You Jealous, Bro?

We’re going to commit a mortal sin of our own right off the bat because I really wanted to start this post this way. But the truth is, when people ask this question, they’re wrong. It should be, “You envious, bro?” But that just sucks, doesn't it? So we are going to move forward using the right term, envy. Sorry for baiting you.

It’s funny how that question can hit a nerve when you’re absolutely not envious, right? I mean, the audacity of someone to even suggest it! It’s not like you’re secretly harboring envious thoughts because this person is more attractive, successful, or fit than you. Of course not. That would make you envious, and you’ve clearly risen above all that. You’re living your life in purity and peace, right?

Envy is one of the most insidious emotions out there. It’s not loud. It’s sneaky. It hides behind a mask of righteousness so well that you can actually convince yourself the person you’re envious of is the problem, not you. It’s a shocking amount of delusion and projection.

Of course I get envious of other people. It happens at least a few times a day. I have convinced myself it’s because I surround myself with people who are better than me because that’s the best way I know to grow and improve. But during that rebuilding phase, where you’re tearing apart the pieces of yourself that hold you back, it’s dangerously easy to let envy creep in.

“Oh, you just got another promotion? Wow, that’s amazing! Good for you. I’m sure they didn’t even bother looking at outside candidates.” “You make how much? Must be nice to have connections, huh?”

Peak Envy Energy

One of the best depictions of envy in modern cinema is the dynamic between Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin in The Social Network. I cannot imagine you are finding my writing or social media and have not seen it, so I'll spare the deep dive, but for those who have, let’s talk about Mark’s constant jabs and backhanded comments about Eduardo’s shot at getting into the Porcellian Club.

Mark’s bitterness wasn’t about Eduardo doing anything wrong. It was about Eduardo having a shot at something Mark didn’t. Classic envy move. It starts as insecurity and quickly becomes resentment, which then leads to some truly questionable behavior—like, I don’t know, diluting your co-founder’s shares to almost nothing. If anyone at early facebook is reading this and silently screaming to themselves that this isn't how it happened, please don't ruin a good story.

If envy just stayed in your head, it wouldn’t be so bad. But when it worms its way into your beliefs about people, when you start deciding that someone else’s success is inherently unfair or undeserved, it becomes toxic.

Here’s the thing about envy. It’s not just about wanting what someone else has. It’s about convincing yourself they don’t deserve it.

The sneaky part? Envy is happy to weaponize someone’s mistakes to reinforce your narrative. That celebrity you envy for their perfect life posts something dumb on social media? “See, they’re an idiot. I knew they didn’t deserve all that success.” That coworker who got the promotion stumbles in a meeting? “Ha! Called it. Total fraud.”

And envy doesn’t stop at just you. It loves company. It thrives in groups of people who share the same resentment and feed off each other’s negativity. That collective reinforcement makes it even harder to pull yourself out of the spiral.

So how do you beat it? Let me just say, I’m still figuring it out. But you watch enough people in your life and you start picking up a few themes.

First, focus on yourself. A lot of envy is rooted in fear. Fear that if you put yourself out there, you’ll fail. Fear that you’re not good enough. You are good enough. Maybe not good enough to succeed, but you are good enough to try. And yes, you’re going to fail. But failure isn’t proof you shouldn’t try. It’s proof you’re actually doing the work.

Second, just start doing the things you want to do. The internet is full of, “you can just do things,” posts and they're right. You can. Want to write? Start writing. Want to build a robot? Beep boop mother fucker. The breeding ground for envy is idleness, so get busy doing the stuff you’ve been putting off.

Third, practice gratitude. When you actively remind yourself of what you do have, it’s harder to fixate on what you don’t.

You’re never going to completely rid yourself of envy. None of us are. But you can make sure it doesn’t take root and turn you into a cynical wannabe.

Think about one thing you’ve been putting off. Something you’ve let envy or fear hold you back from. Stop waiting. Go take a shot at it. Doesn’t matter if it’s perfect or messy. Just get moving and see what happens. Good luck. You've got this.