I suffered an immense loss of identity after my career break. Who am I? What am I good at? What can I do to keep things afloat? It took me years to finally find the perfect answer. I resorted to online communities, dating apps, and meetups, trying to make myself whole again. What I found is that society didn’t accept me as a mere mortal—someone with bruises and scars, with only bitter experiences left to offer. It wasn’t enough. “You have to have something to offer,” I felt compelled to believe.

I have to make some type of offering to be accepted. Perhaps life itself is already dull for some, which is why they can't just let you into their lives just like that. I have long suspected that everything is transactional, even the so-called unconditional love. If it isn't an eye for an eye to bargain, you'll have to pay in other forms somehow.

*to be continued.