Nowadays, I find myself wanting to be alone. I don't think I'm lonely. I don't miss anyone. I just want to spend some time alone. I'd be sitting around a fire pit 600 kms away from home, with no one that particularly knows me and I would be ok. No friends, no calls, no texts, no music even. Just me and silence. The time usually keeps on increasing as I do it everyday. Each day when I have to leave the sunlight, the mountain breeze, and the silence to start my day, something in me just says, "5 more mins". No matter how long I've been standing there its always that. I realised recently why that is.

I don't miss anyone, because I miss ME. I was going through my family album the other day, showing pictures from when I was a kid to my girlfriend. All the while we discussed how my elder had changed over the years, how I looked exactly like my mother and how underneath the beard I have the same face as the 2 year old me. Suddenly, my girlfriend said, "you don't smile that way anymore." to which my response was to say that I wasn't kid anymore, that's why. But from that photo on it lingered. I kept on noticing this confident little kid, with a radiant smile and really sharp eyes. I feel him in myself now, I know he's there. I want to talk to him. I want him to tell me what to do. I want to be him.