i think when no one's afraid to lose you, you kind of lose purpose

so many people i once loved is now doing me wrong. besides only one solved case, i wish i knew the reason.

i've been going back and forth with the thought of ending my life this year, as anybody that i had as a close friend is meeting new people. i'll end up lonely.

they slowly displace me to lower and lower places of priority in their lives.

there's absolutely nothing wrong with my friends meeting new people, but i inevitably get jealous of how they become my friend's top priority when i was there from the start, way before them.

and im still here, on the sidelines, the backup friend, the one they never lost, so they don't even think that I might ever leave, the one they forget about and remember every now and then.

but never the main person in their lives. never the one they first think about when something happens. never the one they first tell about when something happens. never the first one they send a funny or relatable post to. not anymore.

i wanna be their main friend. i deserve it. i never left, even though they are constantly doing me wrong. they don't even realize.

they rather put friends that hurt them on purpose, on top of me.

why do they displace, replace and forget me so easily?

what did i miss, and what did i do wrong?