after i leave no one would realize, maybe in a couple days. my family will think im just lazy and not going out of my room, after two or three days they're going to check on me, they will see me and be a little shocked. whoever finds me is going to call my parents, they will arrive, think about what to do with me, wonder if I wanted to be buried or cremated. they will eventually cremate me as it's cheaper, and I would like it that way.

a little later, they'll go through my phone and maybe call or text some people they know I'm close to, telling them the news. some will be just sad, and some others would cry.

but after the first week everything will be better. like i didn't exist.

what can i say? i don't know if i deserved what i got and what I've been through, anyways i think it's not really relevant.

im steps before anyone. everybody surpassed me in every way possible. everybody that i left or left me has forgotten me, but they're not to me.

i always gave more to my friends that they could expect, but they eventually got used to it and just assumed it's me. people got tired of me, i could see it with how they all take distance from me.

all i ever really wanted was somebody to always be there for me, that asks me how I'm doing in a daily basis, worries about me, gives me attention, sometimes wants to hang out with me excitedly, and makes me feel like I'm enough.

I'm not. I never was, to anyone.

anybody who left me found somebody better.

they drive, they got a job they don't quit at their first week, they look good, they got good size on everything, they get what they want, they are respected, they got a nice body, and their room is not messy unlike mine.

they are not a failure. I am. they are not miserable. I am. they got a life. I don't. they are enough. im not. they are priority friends. I was never.

i just want somebody to ask me if I'm okay, to tell me everything is going to be better, to not make excuses and just help me even if they don't feel like it. like I've done so many damn times.

I was always right, people didn't deserve me. Not because I'm too good, they just deserve more, and anybody is more than me.

I've seen the biggest failures caused by me when I tried my best to succeed. I've seen how they get so excited with some other people but just ok with me.

nobody misses me. I'm a failure. I'm a disappointment. everybody's better. i can do nothing. I'm just weak, they're not.