a little under 12 months ago was the time where i started my back injury journey and subsequent recovery.

tldr - back surgery to repair a herniated l5/s1 disc that had completely shut my nerve root closed - i had numbness in my left foot, as well as weakness throughout the leg (not to mention the debilitating sciatica)

thankfully surgery was a dream. pain-free ever since, only faced with the path of building myself back up.

injury aside, i'm as healthy as i've ever been. i don't necessarily feel like it though.

going through the injury, the pain, appointments, surgery and recovery, you go through a mountain of emotions. coming out the other side, i felt physically great and was able to get back and active only a month later. to finish off 2024, i completed a 10km ocean swim, hitting my goal for the year.

i haven't been able to run though. why? calf is tight.

is that it? yeah i guess so, i just don't feel great after i run.

honestly though, it's all in my head. i am so fearful of repeating my injury that it's holding me back. i'm so desperate not to return to that pain, that i rationalise not running because it's bad for my back.

in reality, over-doing running like the way i used to probably is. a 4km jog? surely fine. i've been sitting in this mindset for months now, not running because of the fear of not feeling good, of returning to pain.

it's not real though. the thoughts.

it wasn't until a friend reminded me of this as he told me he "got out of his head and went for a run" (he had a similar injury) and it felt great.

feeling inspired, i did the same thing hours later.

the outcome? best run i've had since my injury. so good i almost cried! 4km @ 6min/km - the longest and fastest i've run since my injury.

i had so much confidence on that run that i completely forgot about the fear. i got to experience one of the joys in my life again, without fear or dread.

get out of your head. it's nicer outside.

ps my X is @harro_sc - reach out to critique or chat