on NYE 2023–2024, i was at a house party, mostly with people i didn’t know prior to that day. i had a few too many cups of this jungle juice that someone at the party decided to recreate from their frat days. the possibility of teleporting back to college with a sip — and forgetting the lingering questions at the back of my head about what i was worth and why — was irresistible. i blacked out at around 12:15am. “not remembering the first few hours of 2024” was my terrible humble brag for a few months. i laughed it off as if it weren’t a terrible omen for everything to come. time is a construct, and in this case, 12:15am–3:30am on jan 1, 2024 set the foundation for the extremely unstable construction that was my life in 2024.

on NYE 2024–2025 (today), my partner and i decided to go to bathhouse flatiron. we wanted to do things differently. no parties. only one alcoholic drink. focus on meditation, reflection, and introspection. focus on being US in our purest form.

we spent the last two hours of 2024 shuttling between sweating off the year’s toxins in the 172° dry sauna; sprinting across the cold plunge bath and feeling our veins constrict, leaving no room for any unnecessary thought or feeling about our place and purpose in this world; and recovering in the hot baths, surrounded by many other couples and a surprising number of solo bathers, basking in the quiet ambient murmurs of love and resolution bouncing off the dark stone walls. in moments like these, all that matters is the water — cleansing us, submerging us, challenging us, replenishing us.

i know i’ve experienced personal growth over the last year because i no longer fear confronting the questions at the back of my head. the questions only turn into answers and possibilities when acknowledged honestly and calmly for what they are. avoidant escapism makes the questions grow moldy, toxic to the human mind.

what we pay attention to shapes our reality. 2025 may well be the first year i embrace grounded presence, rather than avoidant escapism, as the primary outlet for my attention. the roots are planted.